i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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