so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The air was thick with penises
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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