Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I touched a dick in church today
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
