he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize