My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
