I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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