Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
