i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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