I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
