Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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