I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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