I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
