You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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