Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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