we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
