dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
