i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
