I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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