Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
