We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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