I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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