I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
