The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
