How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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