I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
