i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
