remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
