Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
