I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
