I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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