..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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