he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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