Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
