he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
