We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
