I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
