somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
