You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
