idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize