You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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