i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You pole danced in your parka.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
