I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
