god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
