I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
