Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
