I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
