walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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