this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
