): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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