I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
