so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
