covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
