If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
