Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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