You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it because I queefed?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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