i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
