I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
