We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
