you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
