a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everclear isn't food dammit
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
