You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
