I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
