u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
