so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
