thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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