Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
