I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the liver wants what the liver wants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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