it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize