Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
