Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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