I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
