rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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