it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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