Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
