I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
