we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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