Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
