i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
