dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
