Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
