oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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