3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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