Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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