There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
