Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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