he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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