she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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