I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
