I heard we made out
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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