omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize