Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
