The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think i got beer on your cat.
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