he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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