The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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