He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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