its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
