i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
